Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

Calgon, take me away. My patience is getting thinner by the day. It's hard to think of anything else really. Had a nice lunch with a friend of a friend today who adopted a 4 year old beautiful girl from Ukraine. Its always good and bad to talk to people. They are good sources of information but there is always a little something there that puts a bit more fear in you. But it is good to go in with your eyes wide open because you are NOT in control. I repeat - you are NOT in control. Our agency only has two families in country now including us. The other family has an invitation to travel to Astana and they were a few weeks ahead of us with their dossier. Of course, going to Astana moves you forward a bit as you have to be open to referral with no photos but medical records. We decided to wait for which means will be our turn to visit somewhere in the middle of no where - yee haw! In sub-Siberian negative degree weather, no less. If Patrick and I can get through this, we can get through it all. He is being very patient and kind, but I'm sure his time to freak out is soon!

Our coordinator Janet Ball is a dear friend and a great shoulder to lean on. I have been sad, mad and glad and she has been supportive and understanding of every emotion. I know she will be a friend for life.

Pat and I both know that what is meant to happen will and all will be as it should. Just hard to trust, relax and breathe easy.

More KAZ Changes

Okay, so I'm a really bad blogger. Its been 8 months. I think if I wrote something everyday I would just obsess and be impatient. That being said........ we continue to wait. Our dossier was finally sent to Kaz in July (after the loooooooooooong wait due to new procedures and only one dossier per agency going to the Consulate in NYC per month as compared to the 10+ they used to send). We understand that we are literally in the air via fedex somewhere on the way to Kaz. WPA said we may go as soon as this year which is really freaking us out. We had April -June 2010 in our heads. Its been something we talk about and that always seems so far away - but perhaps by this Christmas- aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Calgon, take me away. We haven't set up a nursery, talked to Human Resources, picked baby names, etc. We haven't done anything. Its suddenly becoming real.

Of course, we are nervous. We tell ourselves we are too old, question if we ready, blah, blah, blah, blah. Again, I think back to all I read about feelings you would experience during this process. I shrugged those off and I can honestly say that the adoption books and our agency were spot on. I thought once the dossier went, I would relax. People said the waiting is the worst part. Not me - I'll be just fine. But I am growing impatient, frustrated and worried that something will happen to prevent the dream. We want a family and to become parents.

Of course, we got another bit of bad news this week. New laws in Kaz' parliment coming down the pipeline. Black cloud over us, perhaps? Age requirements changing and number of visits to country increasing. If passed, we may have to accept an older child and take more trips during a longer period of time to complete the adoption process. You feel like you are being tested to see if you'll just hang in there. Sometimes I feel that God is giving me training in being patient so I'll be a good Mom! We are hanging in there. The reality is that Kaz is trying hard to keep kids in their country and to help Kaz families keep their kids and/or adopt through new services. You have to salute them for that. But you also have to feel for the many many children who are going to stay in institutional homes if they are not adopted.

Guess its time to do the prep. We can be told in a really short amount of time that we have a invitation to travel, that we need to get on a plane in 2 weeks, etc. So we need to get our act together. Time to pick up the crib from Aunt Denise in Charlotte and start getting those used clothes, toys, car seats, etc from friends and family.

Is this really happening? So surreal!

Lets Begin

I've read several blogs from folks who have either adopted from or are looking to adopt from Kazakhstan - so I have finally decided to begin ours. This blog is mostly for Patrick and myself, a vehicle to communicate with family and friends while overseas. But for now, I hope it will serve as a diary of this amazing process and if it can help others, then even better. For those of you who are English majors or sticklers for spelling, haters of run on sentences, etc. Leave this blog right now.

We began considering adoption late 2007. In early 2008, we began our research - looking at websites, calling on friends and friends of friends who had adopted. What a strange process. The websites advertise "Pick your Country!" We're talking about children here, not breakfast cereal. It seemed like such a wierd thing to do - eeny meeny miney mo. Okay, lets go to Krgystan! How do you pick a country? How do you pick an agency? How do you get started? Lucky for us, we had lots of good advisors. The minute you say you are looking at adoption, everyone comes out of the woodwork. Your cousin's cousin from Missouri. Some random person from your high school, etc. Funny how all of these people that you either knew casualy or lost touch with, suddenly are the your guides.

It became clear after a few weeks of research, that you basically find your chute. For us, age was an issue - both personally and for the child we wanted to adopt. Being 41 and 45 (and now 42 and 46), there were only a small handful of countries/agencies that we could pursue for a child under 1 year of age.

Our first inkling was to adopt a Vietnamese child. We both were eager to visit the country and it fit our personal profile (older parents who want a baby). Almost immediately, the doors to Vietnam were closed. Then we thought about Ethiopia. Soon, we connected with friends - the Cuales and the Geyers - who had both been to Kazakhstan. Where in the hell is Kazakhstan? I had only heard of it from the Borat movie which I refused to see. Probably a good idea as it has nothing to do with Kazakhstan and Sasha Cohen is from UK. Kaz is between Russian and China and is the largest and most successful country that came out of the former Soviet Union. It's huge! Who knew? And its somewhat of a melting pot - Russians, Korean, Chinese, ethic Kazaks, many who are descendants of Genghis Khan.

We soon learned that Kaz had a great reputation - as far as countries to adopt from - for child care. The waiting period wasn't so bad (although it has already extended from one year to 18 months since we sent in our application). The children seem to be fairly healthy. We were so fortunate to learn more about World Partners Adoption and signed on with them in May 2008. WPA had great references, great inter country contacts, 100% successful adoptions, the most children adopted and a friendly staff. We're so lucky that our liason Janet Ball lives in NC and we have been able to meet her personally. Janet has 3 girls and her youngest Isalu was adopted from Kazakhstan.

We soon learned that the less restrictions we made the better. So being open to race and sex, we were told that we would receive a boy. Its very odd to know this. Growing up in a family of 4 girls and 1 boy, boys are a bit of a mystery to me. I had to wrap my brain around raising a boy. Soon, our boy had a holder name. Genghis. Sometimes its Genghy or a variation of the sort. I fear that it will stick.

Knowing someone who has already gone through the process with your agency and your country is key. Believe them. Believe all the crazy feelings they say you will go through. And hope that you skin gets thicker by the month. Kaz went through so many changes once we joined. Things seemed smooth and then everything began to change - Hague accreditation for your agency, Hague accreditation mandatory for your home study and then just a serious slashing of the number of agencies the Embassy decided they wanted to work with. Some how, we made it over all 3 hurdles (even completing a second homestudy). Thank you, God.

I believe things truly happen for a reason. Our 2nd homestudy, which cost us an additional grand, was well worth it. Of course, international adoption is so expensive, you become numb to money in some respect. The Frank Adoption Agency bent over backwards to help us move through the 2nd homestudy quickly and to get our dossier back into translation. And the homestudy process - the parenting training, the home visits, etc - were all so important in preparing us mentally to be parents. The online training stressed issues of attachment, having a bi-racial family and so forth. It made you think about what you would do if your child came home after being teased about who he/she is. I never had to think of those things. Also raising an adoption child is very different. Forget handing the baby off to grandma - Mom and Dad have to do the lion's share of the work so the child will learn to attach. Good stuff to learn and know.