She's A Dream!

Okay, so I am the lamest blogger ever. Home two weeks with Phoebe and no complaints. She is a dear sweet little girl. We had a trip of a lifetime to Ethiopia - 10 days traveling in the SW part of the country and getting the opportunity to stop in her village (birth). Then 5 amazing days with our daughter in Addis Ababa and our wonderful travel partners, the Browns, who are also from NC. We are truly blessed.

Beanie Baby Bonanza

Less than 24 hours and we are off. I can not believe it. We got all these funny beanie babies from our friends Bert and Benny in DC. And my sister gave me even more that once belonged to my nephew who just graduated from UNC. So we have tons of tiny creatures to delight the little ones, plus some clothes, arts supplies, balloons and such. We were also happy to make a donation to help purchase furniture at our agency's care center in Addis. They really need it. We have so much stuff for little Phoebe and Pat and I are challenging our selves to one suitcase - and its not a huge one, hoping that those couple of laundry dates work. I just don't want to schlep 4 bags and carry ons across country.

I can NOT believe we leave on Thursday. Still so much to do including a trip to Immigration tomorrow. Maybe a trip to the store for last minute items and then to make sure we have contact info to all the people who need it including us! Whew!

But my eye is on the prize. Our beautiful little daughter. I cannot believe that our adoption journey is close to being realized. I talk to her daily in hopes that the wind picks up my voice and somehow she feels it. I can't wait to hold her in my arms, watch her sleep and to comfort her when she cries. Sob. I just have to keep my happy face when I meet her because I know I will be overcome with joy.

More to come.

Count Down

I can hardly believe we leave in just over one week. I guess we are fairly ready. Will we ever be? The nursery is basically set up. Our child un-friendly home is somewhat made more child friendly. Phoebe has her first pediatrician appointment two days after she returns. My FMLA was approved at work, I have two showers before I leave even though we don't need much. We wired the money to our tour agency in Addis.

But its the small details that are yet to be completed. Filling out paperwork for the embassy date, getting cards ready for the 32+ people who have taken care of our little girl so well. How can we ever repay them? We need to call our bank and credit card company, the US Embassy and make copies of things. Lots of details but all doable. Glad I have a day or two off to study and do!

The listserve folks are wonderful. Friends you will have for life as you share an incredible experience together. They have been an ear, a shoulder and an invaluable resource.

Off to bed. We'll need to rest as we count down the final week.

15 hour flight?

We bought our tickets last night. They were not cheap, but what I was guessing anyhow. We also have a direct flight from DC to Addis with just a stop for gas in Rome. 15 hours on the plane with a little person. I know that will be an experience within itself, but we will survive!

Seems like there has been a big lull in referrals until this past week. So nice to see families finally getting word about their children. I know too well what is like to wait. And now it seems like every day flies by. I cannot believe we will leave in 2 weeks. So much to do, finish up FMLA paperwork, finish my last stuff at work as I am leaving, an exam and two more small papers for school. I feel like I am running towards that flight and when I sit down, I will totally crash. Need to make sure not to get myself sick from stress before we go.

My nephew Tripp moves in with us tomorrow and I am really excited to spend more time with him. We had such a great time with our nephew Theo lived with us for 3 months. Tripp will definitely get his fill of Phoebe time.

Well, off to bed. I have been staying up way late, going on totally adrenaline lately. Need to sleep!

Phoebe and Ethiopia, Here we come!

Praise God.

Got the email yesterday that we are set for our July 7th Embassy Date. Court date on Aunt Katy and Uncle Ted's anniversary and Embassy Date on Aunt Denise's birthday. Woo hoo! Okay, perspective. Times and events can change, but it does not seem likely. We plan to arrive in country around June 24/25 to travel and see some of our little one's home. We are going to use Ethiopian Rift Valley Safaris at the recommendation of a IAG family and tour the Omo Valley Region which takes us through the part of the country where Phoebe is originally from. While we will not be seeing all of the amazing historical sites on the North, we opted to go to markets, villages and take a more southwestern cultural swing.

Best of all, we get to bring home our baby girl and spend some time seeing where she has lived since October. She will be handed to us on Tuesday the 6th and in our care from there on it. I hope I know what to do. We are excited and terrified all at the same time. I guess all new parents are. We are traveling with another family from NC and that is it so far, a very small travel group. The last couple of travel groups have been large, 5 or more families. But we have emailed back and forth and I am looking forward to sharing this amazing time with them. They have an 8 year old daughter adopted from Kazakhstan and will be adopting a 3 and 4 year old from Ethiopia.

As I mentioned before, we were able to pick her birthday which was going to be Grandma Fitz' birthday as it was so close to birthday that was assigned to her. Somehow, they picked another date, June 28th, for her birthday. I am not really sure how this happened, but its done and not a big deal.

Got lots of paperwork to do, bags to pack, things to tie up at work, yoga classes to find subs for, etc. Oh yeah and a summer school social work exam to pass. Life is busy! Life is good.

More waiting

Yes, more waiting as we hope to hear our Embassy date soon. Maybe July 7 and maybe July 21. Just hope we know soon so we can get our tickets and plan our pre-Phoebe travel in Ethiopia. Looking forward to seeing the country a bit, but know it will be difficult too as we'll be thinking of our little one in Addis. I must confess that this waiting is easy as the judge has already said "yes." So while I am impatient, I know there is an end in sight. Have petitioned immigration to get our fingerprints redone. They expire in early August and while I don't think that will affect us, we are not taking any chances! Just want to know the dates so I can make all the changes that need to happen before that. Seems like life is a bit of a dance know as one thing affects the other, etc.

I have also been sorting through clothes, toys and such. Folks have been so generous. Its is wonderfully strange to hold up some of the clothes, thinking about putting them on Phoebe soon. It seems so surreal that she will be here soon! We can't wait for her to be a part of life and our family. Ready for the next stage of life to be here and grateful for our blessings.

Ouch!

Six+ shots - ouch that hurts. Not just your arm muscles but your pocketbook. I think the Travel Clinic stuff alone is over $1,000. I hope we can file for some of it. Oh, well. Part of the process to getting our little girl Phebes - so all worth it! Cost aside, the Travel Clinic and the Student Health Center at NCSU rock. Everyone there is so nice and interested in our adoption. Its been a pleasure going in there. Even if it does mean being poked.

IAG said they may have an embassy/travel date for us by end of week so we could be leaving very soon. We went ahead and contacted immigration as our fingerprints expire august 8th. Just don't want to be in a jam so moving ahead with updating that even though we probably don't need it and its an extra $160. Better safe than sorry.

Had a fun time with Beth and Aly Khalifa tonight, getting their good advice on the trip and best of all, visiting with Mr. Mica. He is quite the dancer! They gave us lots of great and practical gifts. So nice.

Can't wait for our little one to be here too. Very soon!

Gotcha Day - May 26, 2010!

The judge said yes - yesterday to be exact! We are over the moon and so happy to introduce our little one! We are hoping to travel to Ethiopia at the end of June for early July embassy date but it may be later in July. We'll just have to see. In the meantime, thanks for all of your support and kind words. We'll continue to need them!
Love, Amy & Patrick

Phoebe Ayele FitzGerald
Birthday - June 20, 2009
Gotcha Day - May 26, 2010

Pins and Needles

So very nervous about tomorrow but at the same time surrendered to what is supposed to happen. Seems like everyone passed on May 12th and one family did not pass today with a court date rescheduled for 3 weeks. Its not so much the wait, but our Immigration fingerprints expire August 10th and you cannot predict how long that will all take. We must have those in shape to travel. But just keeping hopeful and positive! Its going to be a long 24 hours or so while we wait for the news!

Last Vacation?

Okay so maybe this past weekend was the last big vacation hoorah for Patrick and myself. A nice relaxing time in the Outer Banks shared towards the end with Katy and Ted (Pat's brother and his wife). We find out on Wed if we passed court and hopefully, we'll soon find out about Embassy date and travel. We hope to travel early so we can head south to Tembaro region where our little one is from. We want to have as many photos and knowledge of her birthplace as possible to share with her one day. I have to remind myself that not everyone makes court on first go around so trying to be open to all possibilities.

Unofficial Mother's Day Celebration

While we haven't passed court date yet, I am still going to celebrate Mother's Day this weekend. My agency had some new photos of our little baby "A" and I did not think she could get any cuter. These were about a month newer than our last. She had a cute little dress on and in one photo, she was sitting in a complete split. Maybe she'll be a gymnast or a little yogi! Pat and I are still contemplating names. We will keep either her first or last name as her new middle to preserve her family history. I also ordered copies of all of the photos I have of her from other folks's photo albums. Need to see if I can find some more from last fall as she was residing in the IAG care center. Want as many as I have to document her 1st year for her. She looks so happy and healthy and like she loves to laugh - that will be very important in our household!

Court Date!

Wow, everything seems to be going really fast now. We received our referral last week, Tuesday to be exact. And today we received our court date. I thought it would be towards the end of June but its May 26th - an entire month before. There is a chance that we may have 1,2, 3 or even four court dates but roughly 50% make it on the first try.

Funny how our adoption journey had so many roadblocks and I felt as it we were pushing and pulling, but things seem so right and so smooth right now. We'll see what happens next, but we could be in Ethiopia but June/July?

Baby A's first care package

Funny to call our little one "A". That was my Dad's nickname for me. "A" or "Little A." I miss my Dad and wish he could have been at our wedding or meet my daughter. But I know he is around me whether up above and looking down or reincarnated into a pretty high being! I love you Dad!

So will need to post a photo of care package. The one I have now has her photo on it and I have to wait until court date to post those! Pretty little green sundress, a pink "lovie" with a teddy bear head (aka security blanket) and a photo album that she can chew on and look at with photos of Mamma and Pappa and her new home, the cool playground across the street at Project Enlightment and some other family photos.

Lots of positive and then some negative stuff from folks. A dear older friend of mine and his wife have been trying to talk us out of our adoption. Telling us about articles and television shows they have seen with scary adoption stories. Deep down, I know they love and care for Patrick and I completely. And want to protect us in some way. But it is border line rude and I am just trying to be as polite as possible. And some of this was at a funeral today, no less. Geez people. Give me a break. I hope they don't push me to the edge. Again, more yoga. Practice in patience, love, compassion..... maybe more practice for being a Mom. Just breathe.

On the sweet side.................My brother who I love so much sent me the nicest email. So I have to post it so it doesn't get lost in my email and I won't forget it. It brought me to tears.

I was picking up a sandwich at the café and heard in the background the lyrics to the Natalie Merchant song “These Are the Days”----“we are blessed and lucky”----it reminded me that good fortune such as Maya coming your way involves both a blessing and luck (as well as a lot of patience)! Anywho, at the risk of seeming cheezy and sentimental, the lyrics of this song resonated with me today in the context of your great news --- and I thought I would share them with you..

never before and never since,
I promise
will the whole world be warm as this
and as you feel it,
you'll know it's true
that you
are blessed and lucky
it's true,
that you
are touched by something
that will grow and bloom in you
these are days you'll remember
when May is rushing over you with desire
to be part of the miracles you see in every hour
you'll know it's true,
that you
are blessed and lucky
it's true,
that you
are touched by something
that will grow and bloom in you
these are the days
that you might fill with laughter
until you break
these days you might feel a shaft of light
make its way across your face
and when you do
you'll know how it was meant to be
see the signs and know their meaning
you'll know how it was meant to be
hear the signs and know they're speaking to you
to you

Referral!

We are over the moon! We got a referral yesterday for a little girl "A" - I have no idea how to pronounce her name! And it does not matter - she is beautiful. Ten months old and living in the Addis Ababa Care Center in Ethiopia. She is a chunky little thing with huge eyes and elfin ears. You can just tell she is Ms. Personality!

Of course, the first thing I did was to begin thinking about court and if we will we make it before the rainy season begins. I can already see my tendency to begin thinking of the worse which will make the next couple of months - this entire summer to be exact - unpleasant. I cannot do that to myself.

So here is the deal. We should get a court date in the next week or two - the date that is - with the actual court date 6-8 weeks into the future. Then we hope and pray, we only have one court date. Over 50% of families have 2, 3 or 4 court dates if pieces of paper or information is missing from the file - some comes from agency and some from Ministry of Women (MOWA). Court dates can be close together or far apart and then several weeks before the embassy date where we will be with our daughter (I like the way that sounds). At best, 3 months, at worst 4 months or more. So will just try to remain positive. I need to practice that some more.

For now, I am just enjoying googling at the photos and video of our daughter. We have had several referrals before but this felt completely right..... for me and for Pat.

Feeling incredibly blessed today!

Others are Waiting too

I had an especially trying couple of days. My patience wears ever thin. And then someone on the IAG Ethiopia listserve reminded me that there are folks waiting on court dates, court decrees, embassy dates and six or more of us waiting on referrals at present. So not only in the waiting.

Good Advice

It is helpful to have reminders from all my friends who have adopted to do the fun stuff now! Quit stressing and do the things that you may be too busy to do when the little person is here.

So, lets see. Patrick and I have an Outer Banks trip planned for May right before summer school starts. There is a girl's weekend in Myrtle Beach over Memorial Day weekend. Summer school will definitely keep me slammed! And I have been helping to plan my inlaws 50th Anniversary trip which will be to the Carribean in December. Really looking forward to that especially as the little person will be with us.

This semester I have had no academic classes and taught no yoga so I've had too much time for my mind to go crazy! Really trying to focus on the present and everything that is positive and beautiful right in front of me.

Some unfortunate news on the Russia front with a Tennessee woman who adopted a 7 year old boy and tried to send him back to Moskow on a flight by himself. Geez. I realize there are many pieces to that puzzle but what a disaster - troubled child, lack of information or probably deception on some level. But it hurts me heart to think of this child, no matter what his deal is, being given up again. Trying to concentrate on loving the person without condoning their actions. This is a hard one! Now it looks like a hold on Russian adoptions. I feel so bad for the families who are there or waiting and are now in crazy limbo. I remember that in fall 2008 when Kazakhstan had a pause - not over allegations but due to change in Embassy administration. Regardless, this pause was so hard to wait through and made the process so much slower. But I remember that feeling of helplessness. Sending prayers and positive thoughts to these families and individuals.

Guess What - Still Waiting

Six weeks and no call. I thought this would be much faster. Indeed, I think our agency did as well. Apparently, no new little people have come into the IAG care center. Trying so hard to be patient. Last night, a wave of anger or annoyance came over me from the middle of nowhere. Irritated by every and anything anyone said or did. Today is Patrick's 47th birthday and I was hopeful that - just maybe- we would hear something today. Who knows, the day is young. But, I don't want to dissapoint myself either. So, we just keep waiting and meditating on patience.

Baby Steps

Waiting, waiting, waiting. One baby step forward. Our immigration paperwork came back yesterday with the change in country from Kazakhstan to Ethiopia. So that is at least something.

I went to get a massage tonight from the daughter of a friend and she said something to me that ironically had been on my mind. She asked if all the waiting changed the desire. And it does not but the wait does make you feel like its not going to happen, thus you put your back up. I think I naively thought that we would get our referral lickety split. We were at the front of the list and it would be maybe a week or two. We are now on day 31 and going into week 5. Sigh. I have in my head that the max is six weeks but that is silly too.

And then the worry about the referral. We had 3 referrals to Kazakstan and I don't think that would happen to us here but sometimes I feel like we have a black cloud over our heads.

Must remain positive.

Sandy Pants Knows

I don't care what my husband says. Cats are smart. Ever since we began putting the nursery together - around September - Sandy Pants has known something is up. Of course, we started so early with the nursery as we thought we would be going to Kazakhstan by end of year. I must admit it has been hard to have it set up for so long now ....with the waiting and all.

Okay back to Sandy P. Every time something new comes in to the room - a bathtub, some clothes -- she is quick to inspect it all. Perhaps because so much of it is used from friends or Craig's List - it must smell like babies.

And of course, she has already tried to sleep in the crib which put Pat over the edge. Even when I promise it won't happen when the little person comes, he still panics. Rightfully so, as "The Pants" is one tough cookie. This week I got an adorable quilt from IKEA for the toddler bed and although I have stuff on it so Pants won't sleep on it, she found a small space and is determined to hang out there. There are sofas and other beds to spread out on, but she is hell-bent on staying in this room. She thinks she is the baby and is staking her claim.

I know she is in for a rude awakening and I don't look forward to that part of the transition. Need to look up some kitty kat adjustment info online. Prepare myself, Pat, the little person and Pants for the future.

Rumors and more Rumors

Okay so it turned out that the 2 trips to Ethiopia and having to attend court turned out to be a rumor. Glad part of my weekly drama has been dismissed. So, thus far, we only have to worry about the investigation part. Not worry, really, but wait. So excited that I get to meet little Mica Khalifa who has been home for less than a week. He has no idea how awesome his life is going to be with his new parents and vice versa! Getting anxious to lay my eyes on our little person for the first time.

I found out I got accepted in the MSW program for the fall. Just have to figure out how I can juggle all of this. Definitely going to take another class first session summer school so fall would be a very light load. But being a Mom is my top priority.

Wait, wait..........there's more

Well another day and another email. Looks like Ethiopia is not just longer, but is now going to be a two trip adoption with potentially a big chunk of time between court date and embassy date. Parents are now required to attend court and then come back for Embassy Date. As our agency said, this is not wanted news but not bad. The mere fact that they are responding this way means it is unlikely we will see the country closing for adoption but means timelines are longer and children have to wait longer to be with their new family. More practice in patience and faith. But it is all very much out of our control. So there you have it.

Immigration continues

Okay, so sent another updated copy of our Home Study to immigration. I am so happy that the folks @ Frank Adoption are nice and accommodating. Hopefully, the turn around will be quick and our paperwork will finally reflect Ethiopia instead of Kazakhstan. Still bummed about the State Department posting, but really not in my control. Went to function last night and saw many folks I had not seen in awhile. So, of course, they all asked about our adoption and "aren't you supposed to have already been to Kazakhstan?" Its hard to explain this quickly and without sounding like a complete flake!

We are just trying to remain positive and not worry about what might happen in Ethiopia as no one really knows, but its hard to beleive that the Embassy can investigate 1800 cases per year. Not sure how that one is going to work. Guess we'll have to see.

Hurry Up and Wait

A couple of set backs recently. Immigration wrote us back and said before they can change our country status, we need to have our home study more strongly state they recommend us. Hopefully, that can be remedied quickly, but still another tiny hurdle.

Then, on Friday, the State Department posted that not some but all orphan petitions need to be investigated which will add weeks and potentially months to everyone's wait. I feel like Pat and I are bad luck to whatever country process we join. Once we sign up, everything changes and becomes more difficult.

But that is selfish. This is a change meant to protect children and families so I should embrace that and see it as more yoga practice - building my patience, faith and contentment. By contentment, I mean learning to be present in each day instead of thinking of it as a part of a long grueling process. So much beauty and wonder in front of me everyday that I miss while being consumed by the "when, when, when?"

But the man who is ignorant and without faith and always doubting goes to ruin. Not this world nor the world beyond nor happiness is for the doubting soul. Bhagavad Gita

On a lighter subject, I bought a pink crib set on Craig's list this weekend. While I have seen some great stuff I love, I am kind of committed to creating a sweet nursery on a small footprint or buying gently used stuff. So far, the rug is the only piece that is new. I think it looks sweet -perfect for our little girl.

So strange to think that any day now we could get our referral. Trying to contain myself! And then the real practice in patience will begin, when we wait, and perhaps wait some more, for our court and travel dates.

Thanks to my peeps who are sending positive thoughts my way. I really appreciate it.

Let it Go

Okay, you hear about all the questions people ask you when you do this. This week, it just kind of pushed me over the edge. "Maybe you'll get pregnant, have you thought about in-vitro, are you worried about raising a black child and the best "I wish I could find you a baby." So I won't go far with this post as it will just put me in a angry or disappointed space. A part of me wishes we wouldn't have shared as much information as we have with our friends and family, but its done. And I know folks mean well. Just another hurdle in the adoption journey - like the books tell you and you somehow think you will be immune. Onward.

B&A Blog

So heartwarming to look @ B&A's blog and to see their new son. Funny there was no caption by the photos, I think there were no words to describe the moment even for B who calls herself wordy. I am so thrilled for them and excited, too, for our journey as well. Their son M will have an amazing life with the most caring and fun-loving parents. The adventure begins!

Dossier is in Ethiopia

Just found out that our authenticated dossier landed in Ethiopia yesterday or the 23rd depending on where you are in the world! Woo hoo! So now we wait for referral of Baby FitzGerald and then court date and then embassy date and then travel date. So we crossed one more hurdle but several more to go.

There is No Me Without You

So grateful for the gift of Melissa Fay Greene's "There is no Me Without You." IAG sent it along with our adoption notebook. Greene tells the true story of Haregewoin Teferra, a middle class Ethiopian woman who finds herself at the heart of a global health crisis and mother to countless Ethiopian children, some HIV positive and some not. It is something everyone should read. As one of the critics said best - its part infuriating and part inspiring.

Beth and Aly Khalifa have landed in Ethiopia and I am living vicariously through their blog. Its going to be great to watch their journey as we look forward to our own.

Off to bed.

Thank you Janet Ball

A saddened Janet Ball phoned me this week to say she was leaving International Adoption Guides to spend more time with her own daughters. I can't say enough about her friendship over the past 2 years and we are indebted to her for traveling the path with us. We are excited that Temple Post will be helping us to complete our journey and we know we are in great hands. So Janet if you are out there, thank you! You have not heard the last from us. We will send photos and bring the little person to see you as soon as possible.

Ordered a rug for the nursery today. I'm just going for it. I've spent the last two years being tentative and cautious. I think its time to be optimistic and hopeful!

Dossier is on its Way

Wow, things move fast! Dossier is on its way to Ethiopia on Wednesday. We could have a referral anytime now but there are currently no little girls in the Care Center so we'll have to wait and see. Exciting!

The Dossier is out of Here

After completing 3 Kazakhstan dossiers, I was beyond thrilled to fedex our Ethiopia dossier to IAG yesterday. We are more than anxious to move along! The Ethiopia dossier is a breeze when compared to Kaz which is three times the size and much more complex. Everyone has been so supportive - the folks @ IAG, our home study agency Frank Adoption and of course, our friends and family. Its Team FitzGerald and we are grateful. I really feel good about everything - like we have made the right decision for us. Now we just wait for the referral of our little girl. I am preparing the nursery, thinking of names, etc.

We are also very excited that our friends A&B are headed to Ethiopia soon for their little boy and we have other friends who are adopting a 1 and 2 year old boy and girl. So our little girl will have friends somewhat close in age and from her birth country. I think this will be helpful for us all!

More waiting, ughhhhhhhhhhh!

To Ethiopia

We officially began our journey to our daughter and joining International Adoption's Guides' Ethiopia program. After almost two years in pursuit of a child in Kazakhstan, we paused and had to make a decision. After much angst, we decided to switch directions. It felt so right, like a heavy weight had been lifted. I am in no way slighting Kazakhstan and the beautiful children and the forever families. There is the right journey for everyone and this felt right for us.

Of course, I told myself I would not obsess over the blogs or constantly look up info on the web looking for something to frightened me and I have already done that. Someone told me that adoptive parents constantly look for what is wrong. I need to make that shift to looking for what is right and being positive.

I am hoping we can have our daughter home with us by this summer. I am excited to decorate her room, work with Pat on a name and prepare myself for the ups and downs of being a mother. So many people have been so kind to us on this journey and I hope I can be a resource for others well. Maybe even pay it forward.

Are We Crazy?

For many reasons, we are doubting our adoption from Kazakhstan and will contemplate seriously this weekend, transferring to the Ethiopia program. I think pending law changes, extended trips and just a real gut is telling us that our path may be elsewhere. So crazy as we are sooooooooo close to travel and we've been waiting almost 2 years. God has a plan for us. I know it. Fortunately, our agency has an amazing Ethiopia program and the transition, I think it would be smooth. I cannot tell you why this makes sense to us, but Pat is feeling the same way. So many people have walked the path with us and we are forever indebted to their support as they, in some small way, have helped us along. Funny that I have advised two friends that if we would have started over again, we would go to Ethiopia and those two folks are well on their way. It has been nudging at us and maybe its time to take the plunge?

Valentine's Day in Kaz?

So we don't have our letter of invitation yet BUT we do have tentative dates of arriving on Feb 17th . It seems so far away and like it will never get her. 5 weeks - can we handle it?

2010 is the Year

This has been the longest break ever. I wish I would have allowed myself to enjoy it a bit more. Hard to have so much unstructured time when you are anxiously awaiting your child. Had dinner with Cuales' tonight which cheered me up tremendously. They gave us baby and travel stuff and some reassurance as well. Feeling better and much more optimistic. I hope that we might be in Karaganda by February? At least I have some things to do to keep me busy - update dossier, get our money in order, etc.