We began considering adoption late 2007. In early 2008, we began our research - looking at websites, calling on friends and friends of friends who had adopted. What a strange process. The websites advertise "Pick your Country!" We're talking about children here, not breakfast cereal. It seemed like such a wierd thing to do - eeny meeny miney mo. Okay, lets go to Krgystan! How do you pick a country? How do you pick an agency? How do you get started? Lucky for us, we had lots of good advisors. The minute you say you are looking at adoption, everyone comes out of the woodwork. Your cousin's cousin from Missouri. Some random person from your high school, etc. Funny how all of these people that you either knew casualy or lost touch with, suddenly are the your guides.
It became clear after a few weeks of research, that you basically find your chute. For us, age was an issue - both personally and for the child we wanted to adopt. Being 41 and 45 (and now 42 and 46), there were only a small handful of countries/agencies that we could pursue for a child under 1 year of age.
Our first inkling was to adopt a Vietnamese child. We both were eager to visit the country and it fit our personal profile (older parents who want a baby). Almost immediately, the doors to Vietnam were closed. Then we thought about Ethiopia. Soon, we connected with friends - the Cuales and the Geyers - who had both been to Kazakhstan. Where in the hell is Kazakhstan? I had only heard of it from the Borat movie which I refused to see. Probably a good idea as it has nothing to do with Kazakhstan and Sasha Cohen is from UK. Kaz is between Russian and China and is the largest and most successful country that came out of the former Soviet Union. It's huge! Who knew? And its somewhat of a melting pot - Russians, Korean, Chinese, ethic Kazaks, many who are descendants of Genghis Khan.
We soon learned that Kaz had a great reputation - as far as countries to adopt from - for child care. The waiting period wasn't so bad (although it has already extended from one year to 18 months since we sent in our application). The children seem to be fairly healthy. We were so fortunate to learn more about World Partners Adoption and signed on with them in May 2008. WPA had great references, great inter country contacts, 100% successful adoptions, the most children adopted and a friendly staff. We're so lucky that our liason Janet Ball lives in NC and we have been able to meet her personally. Janet has 3 girls and her youngest Isalu was adopted from Kazakhstan.
We soon learned that the less restrictions we made the better. So being open to race and sex, we were told that we would receive a boy. Its very odd to know this. Growing up in a family of 4 girls and 1 boy, boys are a bit of a mystery to me. I had to wrap my brain around raising a boy. Soon, our boy had a holder name. Genghis. Sometimes its Genghy or a variation of the sort. I fear that it will stick.
Knowing someone who has already gone through the process with your agency and your country is key. Believe them. Believe all the crazy feelings they say you will go through. And hope that you skin gets thicker by the month. Kaz went through so many changes once we joined. Things seemed smooth and then everything began to change - Hague accreditation for your agency, Hague accreditation mandatory for your home study and then just a serious slashing of the number of agencies the Embassy decided they wanted to work with. Some how, we made it over all 3 hurdles (even completing a second homestudy). Thank you, God.
I believe things truly happen for a reason. Our 2nd homestudy, which cost us an additional grand, was well worth it. Of course, international adoption is so expensive, you become numb to money in some respect. The Frank Adoption Agency bent over backwards to help us move through the 2nd homestudy quickly and to get our dossier back into translation. And the homestudy process - the parenting training, the home visits, etc - were all so important in preparing us mentally to be parents. The online training stressed issues of attachment, having a bi-racial family and so forth. It made you think about what you would do if your child came home after being teased about who he/she is. I never had to think of those things. Also raising an adoption child is very different. Forget handing the baby off to grandma - Mom and Dad have to do the lion's share of the work so the child will learn to attach. Good stuff to learn and know.
